We’ve got em: Matt Kenseth’s 2013 plans

Matt Kenseth, driver of the #17 Fifth Third Bank Ford, stands on the grid during qualifying for the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Quaker State 400 at Kentucky Speedway on June 29, 2012 in Sparta, Kentucky. (June 28, 2012 - Source: Geoff Burke/Getty Images North America)

Matt Kenseth, driver of the #17 Fifth Third Bank Ford, stands on the grid during qualifying for the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Quaker State 400 at Kentucky Speedway on June 29, 2012 in Sparta, Kentucky. (June 28, 2012 - Source: Geoff Burke/Getty Images North America)

Matt Kenseth hasn’t announced his plans for 2013 yet but well let’s face it we all know where he is going. I mean I haven’t spoken to Matt or anything but I did think about sending him a direct message on twitter but figured why waste his time on something so trivial?

So here goes. Matt Kenseth will do one of the following in 2013.

Joe Gibbs Racing as the #20 or 4th team

This is the most obvious choice for the former champion. He would join an organization at the same level as his current Roush Fenway Racing team and would have the best chance to compete for wins and a title. He will either drive the #20 Home Depot Toyota or not. Who knows. Kenseth could be in the fourth car at worst or Joey Logano could be. This is the option which all the so called ‘real reporters who use twitter’ believe will happen. Heck, even Darrell Waltrip thinks this is what is going to happen.

Problems with this scenario? Joe Gibbs coached the Washington Redskins to multiple Super Bowl victories, while Kenseth is a fan of the Green Bay Packers.

Kenseth joins Penske Racing

I haven’t heard anyone say it but Penske Racing and the Shell Oil company can’t be happy with the “wheeling” of AJ Allmendinger. The ‘dinger is currently 23rd in the overall driver standings. Kenseth would get to stay under the Ford nameplate and would have one hip teammate in Brad Keselowski. I am sure the two would post photos of their times together at Shell while picking up some Miller Lites.

Problems with this scenario? Ford Racing director Jamie Allison wished Kenseth luck on his future. Doesn’t make sense if Kenseth was to join a Ford based team. Further, it’s hard to believe Penske would steal a driver from a team they will have to rely on as they switch to Ford powered cars in 2013.

Kenseth joins Stewart Hass Racing

Impressed with how Tony Stewart needed only two years of cars with Hendrick Motorsports parts to win a title, Matt Kenseth joins SHR. The “boring robotic” personality of Kenseth replaces the “simply boring” personality of Ryan Newman in the #39.

Problems with this scenario? The switch to SHR comes at a cost and Kenseth must change the oil of all of his personal cars from Valvoline NextGen to Mobil.

Dodge woes Kenseth over

Perhaps a better idea would be to run Kenseth over. Bescause Matt Kenseth would as one person wrote “have to be the dumbest driver in NASCAR” if he were to join Dodge. With Penske Racing leaving Dodge next season there is no known owner, though Michael Andretti is “repeatably” interested in buying the engine plant from Penske Racing. Yes I said repeatably since this story pops up every other week. Maybe Kenseth can also convince Kurt Busch and/or Ryan Newman to come over with him.

Problems with this scenario? Kenseth is mistaken for an Indy car driver and ends up running the Indy 500 instead of the Daytona 500.

Kenseth joins Richard Petty Motorsports

Upset about driving a number which is also related to Darrell Waltrip, Kenseth signs up with the King. He figures that 43 is the most sought after number in the sport, despite having no recollection of seeing the car be competitive at any point during his Sprint Cup career.

Problems with this scenario? Instead of wearing the kings customary cowboy hat, he insists on wearing a foam cheese head if he can find victory lane. Oh yea… Petty could move to Dodge, which again seems like career suicide for the 22 time winner.

Matt Kenseth, driving the ole #17 DeWalt Ford (August 24, 2007 - Source: None/Getty Images North America)

Matt Kenseth, driving the ole #17 DeWalt Ford (August 24, 2007 - Source: None/Getty Images North America)

Kenseth joins the Nationwide Series

Let’s face it everyone is doing it. Elliott Sadler went back to the series so he could seem like a big deal again. Last year he finished second in the standings and this year he’s found victory lane and leads the standings. Kenseth never won a Nationwide Series title and seeks to prove he has what it takes to compete against all the up and comers of the sport. Where ever they are.

Problems with this scenario? Kenseth isn’t really interested in running the Nationwide Series, having run (and won) one race since the start of the new distinct car.

Kenseth follows Metallica for a year

Ricky Williams left the NFL so he could get high so why couldn’t Matt Kenseth leave to follow around an aging rock band? Kenseth’s love for the band is well known, having been a fan before and after they were cool.

Problems with this scenario? Without the fame of being a NASCAR driver he is considered a fan girl and ends up under arrest on a charge of stalking.

And finally!

And for those who are still hoping to see Matt Kenseth drive a #17 Ford for Roush Fenway Racing they can take solace in the fact that NASCAR The Game 2012 will feature just that, though it won’t be released until November. All of which will be severely outdated by then.

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